She is strong and brave

Of course, she is strong and brave.

She's been carrying the weight of the world since she was child.

You are not alone

Concrete Angel

 

Sometimes we have to learn what a healthy relationship is

You know the main sign of childhood trauma:

 instead of walking away you try to convince the people that are hurting you to treat you better.

This is very common, if you have a subconscious belief that you’re not enough that it’s your fault, this can show up in adult relationships.

Someone can be clearly mistreating you and instead of being firm and establishing healthy boundaries you feel you have to explain and go over and over the same situation hoping they will treat you better, when really, they crossed a boundary and should know that it’s not acceptable or you should be able to clearly identify that this is wrong and implement a healthy boundary.

This is why healing any childhood limiting beliefs is essential for you to have healthy relationships.

Sometimes we have to learn what a healthy relationship is and what crossing boundaries looks like, this might not be clear if you came from an unhealthy family dynamic in childhood.

It’s important for you to improve your self-worth, establish healthy boundaries and express your needs.

 You are strong and not alone

Concrete Angel

The thing is you could of just left me alone

The thing is you could have just left me alone. You could of just left me to get on with my life and actually find someone that will love me.  Instead of convincing me that you did and then break my heart.  Because now I have to pick up the broken pieces.

You are not alone.

Concrete Angel

Loving the world

 Some people have been through so much pain They just want to love the world the way they never were.

These are the best people

You are strong and not alone

Concrete Angel

She spent a long time protecting her heart

 She spent a long time protecting her heart. Then you came along making yourself seem different.

So, she let you in.

After she let her guard down, what she feared would happen. did

 you became inconsistent. confusing, and abusive.

Now your upset cause she's done and doesn't want to hear from you or hear you out.

She trusted you and now your words mean nothing. 

Because your action spoke the truth.  

Concrete Angel

 You are not alone

Silently closing all avenues

Silently closing all avenues of communication may seem cold, but it's no worse than having a knock down dragged-out fight with someone who knows exactly what they did and refuses to acknowledge it.

Keep Moving

You are not alone 

Concrete Angel

 

You must be brave

You will rise from the ashes, But the burning comes first.

For this part you must be brave.

You are not alone 

Concrete Angel

 

She keeps on going

 Do you really think she keeps going because it doesn't hurt?

Truth, is it hurts her more, then she will ever admit to you. 

When she's tired she keeps on going. When she feels like she is going to fail, she keeps on going. When she is scared, she keeps on going. When she feels like she is all alone, she still keeps on going. Because she knows that standing still will not get her to the life, she knows she deserves. 

So you can either get with her or get out of her way. Because no matter what she keeps on going

Keep on going.

Concrete Angel

You are not alone

If they can watch you cry

If someone can watch your cry and struggle. While your heart breaks in pieces and continue to carry on with their hurtful behavior? 

They don't love you... 

Stop wasting your time on who doesn't give a dam about your feelings.

 Concrete Angel

You are not alone

They never want to discuss what triggered you.

 They never want to discuss what triggered you.

Just how you reacted.

Concrete Angel

You are not alone.

Not that I don't know how to spot a problem

It's not that I don't know how to spot a problem. My bullshit meter is fine tuned.  Most of the time, I know someone is feeling a certain way.  The problem is that I'll keep giving them chances, and chances and the benefit of the doubt, and making excuses for them.  Until finally I take the blind folds off and see who they really are.   

The problem is deep down you knew but you kept wishing that things would change. Problem is you waited until they broke your spirit and soul.   Then one day it happens you make a choice for peace...

Now you can wake up and you're in this place where everything feels right.  Your heart is calm not hurting from someone you love.  Your soul becomes lit again.  Your thoughts are positive.  Your vision is clear.  You're at peace, at peace with where you've been, at peace with what you been through and at peace with where you're heading.

Life can be beautiful with love around you. 

Concrete Angel

You are not alone.

 

 

Do not disturb old feelings.

 Do not disturb old feelings once they have found their final resting place. They were buried for good reasons: the damage was done.  You can't allow yourself to be pulled down the same path once again.  Life cannot be fully lived when the past is still part of your future.  Let the memories that remain lie where you left them.

Concrete Angel

You are strong and not alone

You don't have to be small

 You don't have to be small.

You were not meant to be hidden away, only seen but not heard.  Your voice does not have to be a whisper.  You can be as loud as you please.  You don't have to be soft. You don't have to walk on eggshells.  You don't have to listen but not be heard. You don't have to be stuck.  You don't have to give up.  You don't have to be unhappy.  You don't have to wait.  You don't have to stay.  You do not have to stay...

Concrete Angel

I was forced to start over

I was forced to start over and the only thing that gave me the power to keep moving forward when I had no strength at all, was some tenacious and indomitable spirit that said: Your story isn't finished.  You were made for something more, and i want you to believe.  Life will make sense again.

You will stand tall.

Concrete Angel

 

I will not reopen that door again

Understand that once you've blocked me from your life.  I will not re-open that door if you decide to come knocking again.  Because with brutal learning, I have come to find the only reason for their return is because they aren't finished destroying you.  Don't allow them courtesy of trying.

Concrete Angel

 

I get up again and again

I get up, again and again.  

I don't have to throw a fist; I don't have to throw a thing.  I just get up, again and again. Until the ring and everything in it learns I am not going out without a fight.  Until I hear them play my song till, they cheer for the underdog.  I get up again and again, place your bets I refuse to throw the fight.  I refuse to throw a thing.  I get up again and again that's how I know I will win.

Concrete Angel

 

There will come a Time

 

There will come a time when you decide that the best thing you can do is walk away from people who do not add to your peace.  You will learn that it's finally time to put yourself first and you will do it without hesitation, without apologies, and with nothing less than a pat on the back.  

YOU MADE IT

This is the beginning of you.

Concrete Angel

 

This is the beginning of you

There will come a time when you decide that the best thing you can do is walk away from people who do not add to your peace. You will learn that it’s finally time to put yourself first and you will do it without hesitation, without apologies, and with nothing less than a pat on your back. You made it ... 

This is the beginning of you.

Concrete Angel

 

She is a healer

Be careful of her, she has healed herself more times than you can ever imagine.  She wears her traumas like war paint, wiping her tears before they have a chance to roll off her cheeks. 

She is a healer.

She is one of the dangerous ones..

Concrete Angel

My Heart Breaks

 

Step into my shoes

 

If you knew

If you knew how hard it was and how long, it took to rebuild my little universe of peace and happiness then you would understand why I'm so picky about who I allow in my life.

Concrete Angel.

I was the one that needed to heal.

 I was you once .  

I defended my toxic person.  I believed that with the right love and environment they would heal and treat me right, I got defensive when people suggested that wouldn't happen. I hated the labels and convinced myself that we would be exception. 

We weren't, I am now one of those people who warns you about that type of dysfunctional people.  It does not get better and the more love and grace you give the worst it gets. They will take everything from you, and they do not care who they hurt. 

In the end I was the one that needed to heal.

Concrete Angel

Getting triggered is not a choice..

 When survivors are reminded of their trauma through internal or external cues (triggers), their fear structure is activated, and it can feel like they're reliving the traumatic experience over again.  They may freeze or begin panicking, even screaming, or crying uncontrollably.  They're not overreacting or being "dramatic"- it's genuinely terrifying..

Trust me: They are aware but don't care.

They just don’t want to acknowledge.

They can’t understand how everything that they thought would destroy you could have somehow been used to develop you.

They can’t understand all the tactics and schemes they thought would bruise your reputation, turn around and build your character and credibility.

They don’t get it, and that’s exactly why they don’t have it...

My guess is that very few emotionally abusive men would own that abusive label.  They’d argue that they were ‘driven’ to their bad behavior by their partner’s shortcoming.  They’d argue that they’re just regular guys, driven to whatever lengths they go to by the unreasonable, endless PROVOCATION of a needy, difficult, and ungrateful partner.

They would cast themselves as the victim of the piece: “How can you possibly blame me for being driven to distraction by this witch who is unworthy to share my home, my bed, and my bank account etc. etc.?

Some of them might admit that their behavior has dropped, momentarily, below their alleged, normal high standards.  But they admit it only with a view to reclaiming the moral high ground. Anyone who is prepared to admit their own occasional shortcomings must be pretty good, right?

What I know for sure is this: emotionally abusive partners consciously and deliberately set out to hurt, humiliate and control their partners.  They see that as the best way to go about satisfying their own emotional needs.  They see what they do as creating a relationship that satisfies their need for power and control over another human being.

So, the dilemma remains:  do emotionally abusive men know they are abusive?

And the answer is: When women ask, “Do emotionally abusive men know they are abusive?” they’re asking the wrong question.

Emotionally abusive men don’t embrace your perspective and your values.  It’s like that old song: “you like tomatoes and I like tomaaatoes”: abusive men have a different take on their behavior. They honestly don’t see anything wrong with it.  Even if they apologize at the time, their abiding memory will be of responding appropriately to your appalling behavior. In the end, an emotionally abusive man is always in the right, and his partner is always in the wrong.

Simple as that.

Emotionally abusive men don’t care.  

Concrete Angel

Healthy one after the toxic one

 

Why You Should Stop Giving A Fuck

 People belittle you for things they haven’t even experienced themselves. They talk about loving oneself before loving others like it’s easy. As if they know how it feels, as if they know how much it actually hurts.

They tell you to be happy, as if being lonely, out of all other existing emotions, was the first choice you settled with, and they will only ask you to think about happy thoughts like you’re a no-good sadist who never thought of doing that.

When you tell people that you are feeling down, hoping for them to make you feel that sadness is a valid emotion too, they just brush you off because they believe that you’ll get over it anyway. They think that every episode of sadness is just momentary; they don’t realize that when you only opt to bury all the depression deep down, you never really get past it. They’ll never know that you only get exhausted from trying to talk it out because you never seem to have ears that will genuinely listen; you never seem to have hearts that will feel how tough it really is inside your brain.

They don’t realize that you only wish for collected thoughts from a healthy, functioning mind, and with this you get misunderstood because you turn your back on difficulties, being labeled as someone limp-wristed who knows nothing better than to run and hide.

It takes countless efforts to try to make people understand that turning your back on certain battles is a form of self-preservation, not selfishness or weakness. It’s about choosing to fight those you can only handle, for life has just given too much pain to endure, the pain you need to bear for lost battles you never seem to let go of, those who have scared you for life.

What’s comical is that people have witnessed all of the heartaches, all of the obstacles you went through, but they never seem to run out of rocks to throw. They never stop telling you that you have a frail heart—that’s why you can’t let it be caught off-guard. They think that you can’t handle any of it, but they have never been so wrong. You can, but you just firmly decide that you won’t.

It’s always easy to judge someone, easier than being gentle, and we forget that almost all of us are battling inner chaos we avoid discussing. People always forget to be considerate unless the issue concerns them, until the problem bothers them.

That’s why we should stop giving a fuck about any commentary that isn’t crucial to our growth. We should accept that people will always have something to say, and we have to keep reminding ourselves that what’s important is that we never hurt anyone in our process of growing, on our way to becoming the best version of who we are destined to be.

And that’s what we really need to learn in this life: to filter out the things we absorb, to choose the battles we fight, to turn our backs to those who hinder our success. We need to assert the fact that there’s a difference between being a cold and heartless person, those who do not accept anybody else’s perspective, and a person who chooses to save oneself from those who feed on another person’s weaknesses.

At the end of each day, what we choose and how we choose to act depends solely on us. We give too much of who we are that we forget that we deserve to experience great things too. Remember that there’s nothing wrong with prioritizing ourselves.

Concrete Angel

You are not alone.

 

Good Men Do Differently from Narcissists Men

 

Dating a high-value and high-quality man is drastically different from dating a narcissist (and narcissists can be male or female). However, it can be hard to tell the difference between a narcissistic and high-quality man when narcissists often masquerade as high-value men initially, only to reveal themselves to be manipulators later. Here are the key distinctions you should look out for if you want to know if he’s a high-value man.

They’re genuinely generous and attentive long-term – and there isn’t an agenda behind their kindness.

A high-value man respects all women from an authentic place of kindness and compassion. He remains consistently attentive to and affectionate with the woman he’s dating or in a relationship with. He is naturally generous with his time, effort, and romantic gestures – and doesn’t do anything from a place of, “I need something back in return.” A narcissist uses excessive attention and affection known as “love bombing” to hook his dating partners initially, only to later devalue and disrespect them to keep them under his control. A narcissist’s empty romantic displays are orchestrated to indebt you to them and instill a sense of fear, obligation, and guilt. Their nice façade is always used to exploit others for a specific agenda.

They don’t blow hot and cold because they’re not looking to manipulate you. Unlike a narcissist who continually tests your boundaries, they make sure not to do anything to jeopardize the relationship at any point.

High-value men won’t display the Jekyll-Hyde behaviors like narcissists do. If they are romantically interested, they will show that interest persistently and in healthy ways. The difference with a high-value man is that if he’s not interested in a woman for a relationship, he won’t pursue her at all. He won’t “use” her for an ego boost, sex, or another secondary gain. He’s not looking to waste anyone’s time, so he won’t lead on anyone, including himself. Unlike a narcissist who blows hot and cold to get you addicted and attached to them through intermittent reinforcement, or to get you working hard for his approval, you won’t have to work hard for the high-value man’s appreciation. He won’t keep you guessing in the first place.

They don’t try to make you jealous. They know your worth and your irreplaceability and go out of their way to reassure you they value you in both their actions and words.

We know from research that narcissists create love triangles and provoke jealousy on purpose. High-value men do not engage in these ridiculous tactics – they are secure and confident in themselves, so they don’t seek outside validation from other women outside of their relationship. They have the empathy to know what inappropriate behavior and act is accordingly – even when “no one is watching.” That’s because their actions stem from their good character, whereas a narcissist operates from manipulation, ego, and a need for power and control. High-value men on the other hand lack a wandering eye and show the utmost respect for their partners and cherish them – not just during the honeymoon stage of the relationship, but through every stage of the relationship. High-value and high-quality men recognize a woman’s unique qualities and traits and go out of their way to make sure you know how important they are to them long-term. They address your concerns and insecurities with compassion and go out of their way to reassure you that you are the only woman they prioritize. Their words match their actions, and they are loyal and act from integrity.

They use social media constructively and not in shady ways.

High-value men don’t have time or energy to spend on social media in frivolous ways unless it adds in some way to their businesses. Unlike narcissistic men who are constantly hitting the like and follow button on inappropriate or shady accounts to make their partners jealous or sliding into the DMs of other parties in hopes of gaining validation, high-value men make sure others know they are already partnered and fulfilled if they use social media at all. They have the same boundaries on social media as they do in real life and do not do things that would ever spark a partner’s insecurity, confusion, or suspicion. They have a healthy relationship with social media in that they know how to celebrate the happiness of their romantic relationships, highlight, and give praise to their partners while still maintaining some decorum and privacy yet not excessively exploiting their relationships as status symbols. They will showcase the woman they’re dating consistently with healthy pride.

They validate your emotions, whereas narcissists pathologize them.

High-value men are emotionally balanced and stable. They have emotional control and are sensitive to the needs and rights of others. This is what makes them excellent listeners and communicators. A narcissistic man will call you “crazy” the minute you hold him accountable, or gaslight you into believing you’re asking for too much if you expect basic respect. A high-value man treats you with respect as their default. Even if they don’t agree with you all the time, they will still validate your emotions and understand where you are coming from.

They don’t keep in close touch with exes or have suspicious friends you would worry about.

Narcissists often keep a harem of people who they can use for attention and ego strokes. They also use these people against you and pit people against each other to make them jealous. When you call them out, you’re likely to be labeled as controlling. The high-value man is just as selective about his friendships as he is about relationships. He won’t have any suspicious female friends that raise red flags or exes that he’s holding onto, or express attraction to people he’s not dating. In fact, he will usually not pursue close contact with women who aren’t his relationship partners or family members just out of respect alone. The high-value man knows that cheating can be both physical and emotional: he makes sure he doesn’t even enter boundary-crossing behavior in either form of betrayal. He does this on his own and doesn’t need to be told. But even if you do express any concerns, he will take your concerns seriously. Narcissists on the other hand will mock your concerns and punish you for expressing them at all.

High-value men respect your boundaries; narcissists learn your boundaries in order to violate them.

A high-value man will respect your boundaries and anticipate what might make you upset to prevent boundary violations from happening in the first place. But unlike narcissists who may use that information against you to violate your boundaries, high-value men go out of their way to ensure you’re comfortable. The narcissist will weaponize any insecurities and traumas you tell them. The high-value man will soothe your insecurities and be extra sensitive to what you’ve experienced. To test this ahead of time, drop a red herring: disclose a small insecurity and see if a dating partner uses it against you. The earlier a narcissist shows his true colors, the better.

High-value men can disagree with you and hold you gently accountable without being demeaning.

High-value men have a healthy relationship with your boundaries as well as their own. That means they won’t tolerate disrespectful behavior from others, but they also won’t engage in disrespect when calling you out. High-value men can disagree with you and have constructive conversations without escalation. Unlike a narcissist who may rage and escalate into violence or verbal and emotional abuse, a high-value man knows how to hold his own in an argument. He’ll hold you accountable or disagree with you without resorting to insults, sarcasm, condescension, or contempt. Narcissists seek out chaos and crazymaking arguments; high-value men avoid them entirely.

High-value men often self-reflect and are introspective.

In a world that often shifts blame onto a woman’s emotional reactions rather than what she is reacting to, the high-value man is refreshing in that he often looks within to ensure he is behaving in alignment with his core values and standards for himself. Just like any other human, a high-value man can have some flaws or shortcomings – the difference is that he actively works toward improving himself in every facet of his life. Unlike the narcissistic man who avoids accountability at all costs and prefers to lash out at the people who they mistreat, the high-value man holds himself accountable and engages in self-corrective behaviors to make sure he stays on the right track. Yet even so, the high-value man often has far less to be held accountable for in the first place, because they don’t engage in the types of transgressions narcissists do.

High-value men are stable in all aspects of their lives.

High-value men are financially and emotionally stable – they never expect you to “build” them up as a person. They take responsibility for their own lives. They won’t use your resources for their own gain (in fact, some would feel ashamed of doing so because it goes against their values). They have their own and remain independent. They are in control of their careers, their dreams, and their lives. Much like the alpha woman, they take charge of the demands of daily life with maturity and healthy positivity. They display a healthy form of masculinity and protectiveness without going overboard.

High-value men are “woke” to the brutalities women face but in an authentic way.

High-value men are well aware of the inequalities women face in the world and do not compare or falsely equate their experiences to yours. Unlike narcissists, they do not excessively play the victim in a world that already caters to them. They recognize their male privilege but not in a fake “nice guy” way of donning a faux feminist persona just so they can exploit your resources. Instead, high-value men often exhibit a genuine “provider” mentality and understand that women have a hard enough time living in a patriarchal society as it is. The last thing they want to do is burden someone who is already oppressed with more burdens. They truly respect women as multifaceted beings on a fundamental level and support a woman’s goals and career – unlike narcissists who are envious and seek to control women. They admire her independence. However, they still want to give to her and impress her. Unlike a narcissist who is only interested in getting his needs met and misusing “feminism” to ensure he alone benefits, the high-value man is a real feminist who recognizes that we do not yet live in an equal world. As a result, high-value men strive to be a safe place for the women they love.

If you have been in a relationship with a narcissist, whether male or female, you’re not alone and help is out there. You may benefit from processing your traumas with a validating mental health professional. You deserve support and healing.

You are not alone 

Concrete Angel

Translation: I just want the best for them.

Translation: When speaking about my ex I am keeping tabs on, I’ll pretend to be happy for them. This will convince you that I just want the best for them, even shortly after using my new betrayal target, to make my ex jealous and boasting about it. I will also make sure my ex-partner doesn’t become too fulfilled in their lives. When you become an ex, I’ll make sure you are traumatized and make sure I show you who has power, and I will make sure you pay by not having anything and on the street fighting for your life. Even though you left due to abuse in the relationship and betrayal. Cause I was the one who held the power of our finances and control over our relationship.   After all, I wouldn’t ever want anyone to truly move on. They need to pay for leaving me.

People who call them out, hold them accountable, honor their own anger, and are not easily gaslighted.

People who have the willingness and ability to hold narcissists and psychopaths accountable and call them out consistently never last long in relationships with them. This is a good thing! The narcissist seeks to devalue and discard victims who continually enforce healthy boundaries and honor their own sense of anger and outrage in response to the violations they endured. Narcissists and psychopaths also fear those who may expose them and give them a taste of their own medicine or could possibly present them with consequences for their behavior. Instead, they look for victims who are invested in forgiveness and will turn the other cheek to tolerate abuse – they fear victims who may try to get “revenge” or get back at the narcissist in intelligent, constructive ways. If you drop hints that you’re not willing to let bygones be bygones and casually mention stories that suggest that you regularly hold people responsible for their actions, or even mirror the narcissist’s behavior in any way, a narcissist may be less likely to continue interacting with you. Remember: narcissists want to be with the person who sings kumbaya, shows them coddling compassion, and speaks healing prayers for them over a candlelit service – not the person who happily sent their ex to jail.

If you are in a relationship with a narcissist or a psychopath, you’re not alone and help is out there. You deserve support. You may want to process your traumas with a validating mental health professional on your journey to healing and freedom.

Concrete Angel

Translation: Loved them. I am so broken they hurt me.

Translation: I don’t have the capacity for healthy love or empathy, but when I am idealizing any of my past partners, I’ll make sure to make it seem like I am besotted with them even though I mistreated them throughout the relationship. That way, you always feel like there is someone you need to compete with in order to gain my affection. The truth is, I never really appreciated or treated any of my partners well in the long term. The ones I can’t stop thinking about are the ones who gave me a taste of my own medicine and the ones who walked away for good – the ones who dared to discard me first.  I will replace them with another fast to prove they were nothing to me.  I will make sure to make people see they were the crazy ones and using me when all I did was take and abuse and betrayed them. I already was gaslighting and love bombing another but turned it around that it was them to make them feel unloved and making them feel it was their fault.  I didn't care if they loved me or were faithful it was all about me.  

Concrete Angel

You are not alone. 

Translation: They were so insecure and mentally unstable

Translation: I was the jealous, also betrayed them and the possessive one. I checked up on my ex-partner 24/7 and made sure they were only focused on me during the love-bombing stage of the relationship. Then, I began to emotionally withhold from my ex-partner, deliberately provoking jealousy in them constantly to make them feel off-kilter and suspicious – all so I could be the dominant one in the relationship. Even when their concerns were valid and a result of my manipulation, I gaslit them into believing otherwise and raged at them, setting them up for crazymaking arguments. I told them that every time they asked me a legitimate question about my shady behavior, they were interrogating me and needed to stop. So long as they believed they were the problem, I was free to do whatever I wanted without being held accountable for my actions.

Remember: People who are more successful, talented, attractive, or more well-loved than they are (unless it benefits them directly).

Unless a narcissist is using you for financial resources, status by association, or as “arm candy,” they have a deep pathological and malicious envy of those who surpass them in the areas of success, talent, and attractiveness. They dislike it when victims have a great deal of outside validation apart from them because it makes that victim less susceptible to their manipulation. They are quite jealous of the positive attention their victims receive from others. That is why they so strongly try to devalue these victims early on. It’s an automatic reflex for them to try to put down anyone that triggers their sense of entitlement and inferiority or challenges their grandiose view of themselves simply by existing in their strengths. They want a victim who they can control, not someone they have to fight for and over. Even worse? They despise victims who are confident in themselves and are not willing to put up with their bullshit.  If you come off as a bit more egocentric to the narcissist and put yourself on the pedestal with a strong, unshakeable self-concept, they’ll likely leave you alone to hunt for people who are more willing to adore them. Better yet, level up in all areas of your life so that you have multiple sources of support outside of them. Even if they continue to target you because they like a challenge, they’ll eventually become worn out.

Concrete Angel

You are not alone.

Translation: They cheated on me and betrayed me.

Translation: I was the one engaging in deceitful or abusive behavior throughout my past relationship as per usual, but I’ll tell you preemptively that my ex-partner betrayed me. I’ll misrepresent and distort what really happened to play the victim, so you sympathize with me. I not only tried to make my ex-partner jealous, and insecure, but I also neglected them emotionally and mistreated them after showering them with affection and promising them the world – promises I never intended to keep. It’s no wonder they left I cheated on them and had secret conversation with other women and got what I needed from the other women. I am entitled to do whatever I want while my partner stays loyal throughout the relationship.

Concrete Angel

You are not alone.