Translation: I don’t have the capacity for healthy love or empathy, but when I am idealizing any of my past partners, I’ll make sure to make it seem like I am besotted with them even though I mistreated them throughout the relationship. That way, you always feel like there is someone you need to compete with in order to gain my affection. The truth is, I never really appreciated or treated any of my partners well in the long term. The ones I can’t stop thinking about are the ones who gave me a taste of my own medicine and the ones who walked away for good – the ones who dared to discard me first. I will replace them with another fast to prove they were nothing to me. I will make sure to make people see they were the crazy ones and using me when all I did was take and abuse and betrayed them. I already was gaslighting and love bombing another but turned it around that it was them to make them feel unloved and making them feel it was their fault. I didn't care if they loved me or were faithful it was all about me.
Concrete Angel
You are not alone.
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