Why Narcissists Move Fast into Relationships:

 

Narcissists always seem to land on their feet, like the proverbial cat.  While you are at home still feeling hurt and Sad on the breakup and trying to heal from your relationship, they are happily posting photos all over social media of how wonderful their life is now. You will find the most faithful and true to the relationship is still single trying to heal from the abuse and manipulation and everything that happened and the after mass of the separation and picking up the pieces.

 

When I think about everything and when the blindfolds came off on the true person I loved and saw it was a real kick in my face after all I done and been through with this person.  But I learned they didn’t really love me they are incapable of love, so everything is superficial and therefore your relationship was never real.

 

One of the next things I had to also deal with was the betrayal and what came out of the grass was I shocked not really. But it was posted shortly after the breakup and hurt me deep to the core. That’s when I realized that everything was a lie and blindfolds came off and the truth came to light to what I thought.  It was as if they did it to prove replacement and that nothing mattered in our relationship.  So, if this happens to you remember the next time you see a smiling picture of your narcissist ex with his new supply, know that it’s just a mask.  There are no real feelings.  They are simply resorting to their survival mode and still abusing you and hurting you in every means. The fact you feel sad is a good thing because it shows you have developed normal brain functioning and for you it was a real relationship and abuse you underwent.  Never be ashamed of that. We all must go through the emotions.

 

As per the quick replacement you will find they may not be a prime, grade A chunk of fresh meat for them, but the replacement is really a “port in a storm" that will work until they don’t get what they need and will start finding something better to latch onto. These replacements are known as “panic picks or rebounds.”  

 

More than likely your partner has been working on grooming this replacement and having secret chats or interaction secretly looking for attention and not dealing with issues in the home or changing their aggressive behavior, so they think the replacement is perceived to be better than you but remember we all have been on that honeymoon stage with them and promises that were made.  You will also find that they will have plenty of side pieces they can run to also as you see on their social media and who they follow and plus asking women to accept friendships with. When your partner is deceitful and sneaky the truth usually comes out.  More than likely they probably had an occasional sexual encounter already with the replacement and when they show up after the breakup it’s like a vulture coming into to feed waiting for its kill.  You see no matter what the truth and the motive will come to light and that’s when you must take those blindfolds off to see the truth of everything.  You see the narcissist did the same thing to you  in the beginning of your relationship, but at least it wasn’t based on lies as per deceit or betrayal so you must remember that the loser will think they have hit the jackpot. But time will soon happen, and the tables will be turned.

 

You see Naturally, the narcissist will give them a strong dose of love bombing taking them on trips or doing things they didn’t do with you to ensure their infatuation and being the greatest partner that could happen. But as soon as the narcissist secures a better situation, it's over. Probably within time. These poor fools that quickly jump into bed with them believe they are in an amazing relationship, but we all have been there with them this is also called the honeymoon stage with a narcissist … When I saw the snake or what I call vulture who came out of the grass … Talk about a panic pick!!

I don’t care anymore about them because I saw what I needed to see that allowed me to take the blindfolds off to move on and start dealing with the emotional and the after effects of domestic abuse.

So not sure if they are still together because I have him blocked everywhere and have instructed everyone to not mention his name to me or them. But wouldn’t be surprised if they are together or if they moved on to another supply due a narcissist has to keep up his image to prove to everyone it wasn’t him that caused the relationship to end and also playing the victim and make me out to be the bad person.  I am just glad in my situation the truth also came out. But I hope they are together because I can't think of two people who deserve each other more than ever due to both having the same personality sneaky, lying and deceit. What a way to start a relationship…. That way they are both my karma they can torture each other later once the dust settles and the magical moment ends. Cause we all know time they will not change them because I can leave knowing I did everything in my relationship to keep it together and gave up a lot to please them and they still didn’t love me or change their aggression behavior, so I had to realize that’s who they are.

 

To be perfectly honest I realize Narcissists are always on the hunt for supply they need gratifications of their egos for applause, adulation, worldly power, gorgeous willing, adoring, malleable partners.  How to spot one is check out there social media You probably find tons of women on there social media that they are trying to be friends with or already from around the world

 

Whether you're happy they're out of your life or not, this can still be upsetting to hear and the emotions you must deal with and from the abuse. If you have been with a narcissist for decades, remember that your “relationship” with this person is up for grabs–expendable.

Narcissists are not loyal to anyone but themselves. They are ruthlessly wanton and careless about the feelings of others, even their own children. Authentic feelings are not part of the narcissist’s life vocabulary. They tell great stories about their devotion, but this makes for great image enhancement.

You must remember your partner whether it’s common law or marriage and you decide to separate from this person, you will become the enemy. In my case I was always the enemy in his eyes so no different then and now, that is why he treated me that way with abuse, I guess.   So they needed someone quickly because after all, I was no longer servile–the one who gives the king his crown and scepter.

Even before the separation it not unlikely that the narcissistic had found my replacement. He had already drifted to new sources of psychological supply that would keep his ego fully inflated. There is no sadness or regret about all those years together but must now deal with mental health from the abuse and effects it gave me alone. I remember giving my life and soul to this person. I am still shocked and grieving the loss of the relationship it was a death in me and trying to heal from all the trauma mentally.  It’s not easy when you let your guard down and give someone your heart and soul.  

I know now and understand why mine pivoted quickly to his next human supply. He always felt I was always interchangeable with the next. Forget the years, the life experiences, the family we shared together—None of these matter to them from day one. They may have been playing the great part of being upset after the break up and the victim but this is  all a  performance for when time comes for court.  It’s a well-rehearsed polished act which has happened before and been down this road again. After all, the narcissist is an excellent actor who fools most people. He has been doing this all his life.

So, my advice is Pay attention to your needs and wishes. Never blame yourself for becoming involved with them, your heart was true not theirs. They also fool you with promises and were gaslighting you as they have done to others who became involved with them.

Focus on your life, your talents, your wellbeing, and sense of peace also seek professional help dealing with the emotions and pain that you are going through. You have been carrying this great burden with you and a long history of mental and emotional abusive in the relationship and always hoping that things would change and have worked out but it drained you mentally and physically it sucked the life out of you and your beliefs and dreams. Now you have to move on and find the strength and the new you and start living a lighter life, simpler and start rediscovering that you are an incredible individual–and are so wonderful just the way you are and that so many people look up to you for strength and love you.

 

You are not alone

xo

Concrete Angel

Tuesday D’Eon

You deserve to be treated like a choice, not an option. You deserve love.

You deserve someone who does not only makes you feel better, but makes you want to be better. Who will support you and your goals. They listen to you blabber about your day or concerns like it’s the most interesting topic in the world. When you’re about to give up, they will be your cheerleader. They would keep you motivated all the way.

You deserve to be treated like a choice, not an option. You are not someone’s “maybe”. They would treat you like a priority. He would love you consistently. They would always be there especially whenever you need them. They would make an effort to be with you. They would show you that you are his one and only.

You deserve someone who is not afraid to show you that chivalry is not dead. They would open doors for you. They would offer to carry your bag when it’s heavy. They would offer to hold your hand when it’s cold. They’ll treat you like a real lady because he, himself, is a gentleman would never betray or hurt you.

You deserve someone who loves you unconditionally. He would look you in the eyes and make you feel like you’re the most beautiful person in the world. He wouldn’t pick on your flaws or abuse you, instead he’ll love you more because of them. He knows that you are not perfect, but still treats you like you are.

You deserve to be pursued. You deserve to be taken on real dates. You deserve to be treated with respect. You deserve someone who is genuinely interested in seeing you happy, in making you happy, in keeping you happy.

All of these you deserve and more because you deserve to be loved. You deserve your own dose of magic. You deserve your own fairy tale. You deserve happiness. And above all else, you deserve these because you are worth it.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Tuesday D’Eon

Concrete Angel

 

Stop Putting Yourself Down!

 Most people struggle with self-esteem throughout their lives but after domestic abuse it can be more challenging. Even the most positive, confident people struggle sometimes with self-esteem.  

Coming out of emotional and mental abuse you may feel as if you have completely lost yourself. Narcissistic abuse and emotional manipulation over years are a form of brainwashing, and as such, it can destroy your sense of self -worth and who you are. You may no longer feel like the person you were before all this began.

Recovering from abuse can be a very long process, but you must learn to stop the negative self-talk in your head right in its tracks.  In many cases, those who have experienced narcissistic abuse will struggle to recognize themselves in the mirror because they no longer see their true reflection staring back at them.

Sometimes it’s easy to be hard on ourselves – to focus on the things we do poorly, the mistakes we make, or the things we’re not any good at. To make matters worse, we’re then quick to dismiss our accomplishments and the things we do well! If you find that you’re often your Having healthy self-esteem means that you see value and worth in who you are. It means that you accept yourself (all parts of yourself) and believe in yourself (even when you fail). People that struggle with self-esteem tend to feel bad about themselves and tend to think they aren’t as good as other people. They lack confidence in themselves and have a hard time noticing their strengths and positive qualities.

If this sounds like you, don’t get discouraged! The good news is that self-esteem is just a pattern of thinking, and you can change this pattern and stop being your own worst critic.

Stop thinking you’re not special cause You are special. Just like your fingerprint is unique, you are a unique person with a special purpose. No one is born to do the things you were born to do.

You are special because God made you special.

As a being of power, intelligence, and love, and the lord of his own thoughts, person holds the key to every situation, and contains within themself transforming and regenerative by what they themself what they will.

Do not compare yourself with others. There is no need to compare yourself with another person. If you look around, there may be many people who excel in your field or found a loving person. You can learn from them, but do not let them intimidate you. Never, ever compare yourself with others whether you feel they are superior to you or inferior to you. Do not let that hinder your genius. Be your best and that is all what matters. When you are at your best, everything you do is a masterpiece. You do not have to prove anything to anybody.

You have the same three-pound brain as everybody else, which can do wonderful things.

By realizing that you are special, you can make a difference in the world, you can have an impact on your surroundings. The successful accomplishments of your goals and dreams lead to greater contribution to yourself, your family, and the world.

By being your best, you can make a great impact on society.  By acting, you bring your unique credentials to the table. You make the world a better place to live. Step out and do something.

There is enough for all of us. There is an abundance of good things and abundance is available to you. By keeping in mind that you are special, you will have an abundant supply of opportunities and ideas to excel in your chosen endeavor.

Things you can say to yourself to feel great and special always:

• I am a lot stronger and more powerful than I thought.
• I have unlimited potential.
• All the power is within me; I can achieve anything I set my mind to.
• I am abundant. My life is abundant with good things.
• Don’t believe your thoughts.
• Create a healthy environment
• Embrace self-compassion.
• Don’t compare yourself to other people
• Surround yourself with positive and loving people
• Forgive yourself.
• Set Boundaries
• Every day, in every way I am becoming better and better.
• I strive for excellence in everything I do.
• I deserve the best.

Consider talking to a therapist. Having a strong sense of self-esteem is important for your well-being. Take steps to make sure your surroundings and the people in your life help support your sense of self-worth. Treat yourself with the same kindness and encouragement that you would a close friend. Also, work on acting confidently even if you don't feel confident in the moment.

Finally, consider talking to a mental health professional about your self-esteem issues. A therapist can help you address some of the thinking patterns that contribute to poor self-esteem and develop new coping mechanisms that support a positive sense of self.

You are beautiful and are worth so much to so many. Stay strong and love yourself again.

 Concrete Angel

Tuesday D'Eon

Dealing with PTSD AND CPTSD

 A home and partner are supposed to be your haven in a world that’s sometimes chaotic and stressful. But when there is domestic abuse and domestic violence such as bullying and manipulation where you live, it can be a continuous source of stress and undermine your psychological stability and mental health.

Domestic Abuse is defined as ‘an incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive, threatening, degrading, betrayal, intimidation, financial, psychological, economic and violent behavior, it can also include sexual violence for some, in many cases it is done by a partner or ex-partner, but also can be by a family member or caretakers too. Domestic abuse does not always involve physical violence. 

Those who incite domestic abuse often exhibit behaviors that manipulate, frighten, humiliate, blame, and injure physically and/or mentally. It can happen to anyone regardless of gender, sexual orientation, age, race, faith, level of education, or socioeconomic background. 

PTSD And Domestic Violence 

PTSD is a mental health disorder in which individuals exposed to traumatic events experience disruptions in thought and behavior, often reliving the event or fearing a recurrence through flashbacks, dreams, and memories. Symptoms of PTSD can also manifest as issues such as panic attacks, depression and more. 

Survivors of physical and emotional trauma may feel as though they are in danger when exposed to certain types of people, scenarios, environments, and even some sensory experiences. PTSD can cause a dramatic reaction, either emotionally or physically, whenever those triggers are present because of years of abuse or a single major life-threatening event. No matter how much time has passed, these feelings may be as strong as they were during the event.

People who witness physical and emotional abuse will and can develop PTSD. Depending on what they went through or witness, the frequency and intensity of PTSD symptoms can vary widely. In cases of PTSD, symptoms may come in the form of nightmares, constant fear or sadness, depression, trouble socializing, and dramatic reactions to triggering situations, people, or places. 

Regardless of the severity of symptoms, proper treatment and support are vital. If PTSD is left unaddressed, symptoms may worsen, and treatment may become more difficult. 

How can domestic abuse cause PTSD?

Even if the victim escapes their abuser, it can take time to adjust to a safe environment. This is particularly true if the perpetrator was very controlling and/or violent over a long period of time. When trauma is not processed properly, it can linger in the subconscious and cause severe psychological problems that inhibit a person’s day-to-day life, such as PTSD or C-PTSD.

Fear can become overwhelming during and after an experience of abuse. In instances of domestic abuse, this can be exacerbated by the fact that the perpetrator remains close by, often for long periods of time.

What can help after experiencing domestic abuse?

The very first thing that can help in the aftermath of domestic abuse is to seek emotional support. This should come from a trusted person like a friend or family member. It’s important to escape the situation, if possible, as the longer you are exposed to that fear and danger, the more likely it is that symptoms of PTSD will occur.

Unfortunately, the victim does not always have full control over their options. In some cases, the abuser may even seek the emotional support of the victim after a traumatic event, which inhibits the victim’s ability to care for themselves.

My story of Domestic abuse gave me PTSD and some CPTSD symptoms.

When I came out of my situation of domestic abuse, I felt confused, I had no clue who I was anymore and lost myself along the way and I wondered how I got here in my life how did I let this happen to me. I guess I was also mad at myself for allowing it to happen to me. But when in love we sometimes put blindfolds on and hope for change or love from the person and that the abuse would stop the violent behavior.

I Think about when I was a kid. When I wasn't afraid of following my heart, exploring new things, learning new lessons.... I never was afraid of failing in life.  In fact, I found my genuine self and spoke my mind unapologetically. But then something happened suddenly I changed so much?

I guess the fact is I grew up in abuse and my relationship was also abusive and I started giving more importance to what others think about me and trying so hard to make things work. Trying hard to keep the peace and everyone happy, I started thinking about how I was perceived by my social circles to take precedence over being my genuine self.  Status happened. Responsibilities happened, kids etc.   I started putting people first before me, trying to make everyone around me happy, which led me not to think of me anymore or my dreams or what I wanted.  I started allowing people to abuse my kindness, love and take advantage of me. I found that the people I loved hurt me so deeply and how they treated me was horrible but that's another story on what they did to me and what happened. .  

I guess that's how I got here today with PTSD and some signs of CPTSD, looking at life a lot differently and starting to find myself again and now dealing with my new mental health issues such as PTSD and some signs of CPTSD from the mental and psychological abuse and how it affected me today and dealing with my life today. 

 I thought at my age I would be living my life with my best friend, and we would be enjoying life and be so in love with each other that this world could never tear us apart.   That we would be a team together working together on a better life and future.  But the person I got with didn’t turn out like that. I know that relationships are hard work and not always perfect, but respect and boundaries are in play in working things through and understanding each other.  We are not supposed to be enemies or at war with each other all the time or the relationship be a one-sided conversation or one dominating controlling the relationship.  Your partner is supposed to be someone you can trust that will not harm you, betray you or abuse you. Or lead you down a road of pain and hurt it supposed to be loving and working on goals and understanding each other.

Since my escape from domestic abuse every day I question myself in the after mass wondering why I stopped fighting back or even picked up and left or try to even escape. Why did I let this person make me feel this way and abused me in way that left me with PTSD and some CPTSD as to what they did to me mentally was horrible. I thought many times how can hurt the person you are supposed to be in love with this way… I guess being the loyal one and trying hard to keep the relationship I realize who the true team player was.  I guess when times were bad in the verbal abuse attacks when punishment was done, I remembered how good it could be during the gaslighting stages I got the man I wanted him to be during these stages. the kind loving and passionate. I would also remember when we first met the promises, he made to me or how he made me feel safe but guess that was the honeymoon stage until day I moved in all things changed.  I had to start realizing he never loved me but need me to do a job it really hurt deep more That I was living an illusion in the relationship I was more alone in the relationship and had to keep my thoughts and feeling closed and locked up and walk on eggshells.  After every fight they would promises they would try and change their anger behavior.  Me wanting the relationship I believed them each time.  And the gaslighting started but things would go back to normal.  

But the reality is we cannot force love or make someone love us nor can we change a person to see how his anger and explosions hurt us, so we begin to have little control over the defense mechanisms of our brains during domestic abuse. It’s like your heart and head fighting each other constantly.

During ongoing abuse, I started seeing now myself going into the 5 F repones to avoid the verbal attacks which were the fight, flight, freeze, flop, fawn trauma response it started happening during the Relationship and with the abuse frequently happening it only allowed me little room for ‘logic’ or reasoning in the moment of abuse. I must admit I didn’t reach the stages of flop but many times I felt the experience that made me want to flop as per the sensation went through my body trying hard to block things out or his manipulating words that hurt me deeply.

 Each time I found myself trying harder to make things work, making sure he wasn’t stressed I started walking on eggshells, taking on more and more to prove his accusations were wrong and that I loved him but found I started losing myself during the process slipping deeper into depression. I couldn’t give any more into the relationship, I wasn’t his enemy that he made me out to be.  A relationship is supposed to be doing things together and loving each other the same but when its one-way street and the abuse doesn’t stop and keeps continuing you must decide is this how my life is going to end with someone who abuses me and doesn’t love me. Our last fight woke me up deeply and scared me to the depth to my soul. Something told me to run and don’t look back danger a warning sign….

I replay all the events in the relationship, the fights, the aggressive behavior, and things he did to me.  Trying to find out what reasons for him being like this to me.  Wondering how I didn’t see what was happening.  I felt powerless in the relationship that I didn’t matter, and my feelings didn’t matter to my abuser to stop the fighting I had to submit to his wishes and demands.

 I also think about that day I left and what made me leave. I remember him accusing me aggressively of cheating and the threats he made terrified me that I felt someone had this much control over my life and wanted to do was harm me in every way. .  During the last abuse he was verbally attacking me and intimidating me, that’s when I realized it was him being unloyalty.   I guess the truth is I left him so he can figure out what made him happy cause it wasn’t me because how could he abuse me so cruelly in this manner day after day for years after everything I did for this person.  

But soon the blindfolds came off and really saw what was happening to me and his true colors and the snake that came out of the grass and soon it was posted shortly after I left over social media and then everyone’s family and friends saw.  From him hurting me in the relationship, I had to deal with the hurt also of betrayal and the cruelty after leaving me homeless and financially.  I had to deal with the effects of mental abuse too.  It was a horrible time in my life when I just wanted to die.   I hated myself for making a mistake thinking he would change and keep holding on for change. 

Now today He left me dealing alone with mental health issues such as PTSD and some CPTSD not to mention a broken heart and the side effects of the domestic abuse trauma.   Everything has changed in me mentally and right to the soul.  All my dreams and beliefs and everything I worked my heart out to build with him were gone, not meaning the material things but my belief in love and trusting people. Today I am scared to trust and be loved it terrifies the life out of me being so hurt and how it felt like a death.  Like someone stole my soul.    

 I keep busy and try not to think of tomorrow but living day by day, new friends have come into my life who have supported me and understand when I am sad or feel like crying and give me comfort and support, and I am soon going to counselling and group therapy in helping me deal with the scars and emotional/Mental abuse of the relationship.  I am trying to find myself and new goals and build new dreams after the impact of the relationship.  I must admit some days are not easy but getting there one step or one stone. I found that writing has also helped me through it.  Maybe my words can help another who is also going through what I am going through know you’re not alone. 

 Until my day in court before a judge to tell my story and evidence and outcome it will finally end. I never wanted this war just wanted love and a safe place.

Tuesday

Concrete Angel

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

 

Let Go of What Hurts You

Time has made me understand that letting go is not giving up, it’s not an act of weakness but rather of strength and growth. Because though it hurts me to let you go, I understand that there are things that cannot be and things you cannot change, and you can't make people change no matter how hard you try to keep it together or love them.

 

Throughout my own life’s path, I have left many things behind, I have broken away from scenarios, situations, abuse, customs and even people. Everything I am today the sum of what I’ve chosen to keep from the path, to become my most authentic self in the present, although this has involved much suffering. Letting go is in fact, part of the wheel of life, where every step forward helps us remove ourselves from what cannot be, what hurts, and what doesn’t add to our happiness.

 

Life often involves cutting ties and leaving our hands empty of previous joys, hopes what we wished could be. It is certainly painful. However, let’s assume that the sooner we do it the more prepared we will be to overcome these moments, these crossroads can make you remain stuck of what cannot be or what we cannot change so we must start to pick a direction in life.

 

Nostalgia occasionally enriches and inspires, but living in the past and clinging to what you’ve left behind does not allow you to grow. I had to Free myself, advance and be grateful for what I have experienced as one who preserves a precious treasure even the good and the bad: it enriches me inside and helped me follow the most appropriate path, one of balance and authenticity. It's one of the hardest things and I am still working on it.. 

 

What I also found was that sometimes what we let go was something that we trusted at one time in the beginning and in many cases, made us happy or gave us hope. But at some point, the joy and hope transform to pain, and we are faced with the difficulty of having to let go of that person or that situation that was hurting us with abuse and betrayal.

 

Even what was once good can suddenly stop doing you good, bring suffering, and even the person who says they love you lied, and you start letting go a little more each day; like the person who plucks the petals of a flower until they leave it naked with just its thorns.

 

We’ve all been told before that life is also letting go, allowing yourself to flow without avoiding resistance. But how is this achieved? As people we need security in our day-to-day lives and need the people who love us today to love us the same way they do tomorrow. We also need a trusting partner that will not hurt us or tears of pain and grow a future together. 

 

 Trust me, the act of letting go can imply a gesture of courage and self-knowledge of what is happening around us cause sometimes we walk with blind folds on in hope that things will change, or they will change behavior. We need to know our limits and what we really want for ourselves and when it is enough. I found in my time that my partner who we walked hand in hand ends up leading me down the path of unhappiness from abuse and betrayal, I need to let go to find my own way even though I know the road will be hard and painful.  We must do so even if there is love, because despite the affection and passion in the beginning, not all relationships are wise, nor does all love understand the language of respect or want to change habits or behavior to save the relationship.

By having good self-esteem and a strong attitude to defend our own dignity, will help lead us away from these situations. For maturing is also letting go of that person who doesn’t want to change. Trust me learning to let go will bring happiness and in time does heal and you will start discovering yourself again.

I found in the after mass that clinging to my past enslaves my thoughts, my mind, my heart, and soul of the hurt done to me. Yesterday cannot be erased, or edited, let alone forgotten. We cannot change people or force them to love us as we would like them to overcome them, you must first accept them.

 

Loving is also learning to let go, because it’s nearly always love that causes us more suffering. Only when we accept what cannot be will, do we allow ourselves to be free to find new happiness.

 

 

No one comes into this world knowing everything nor do they bring along the manual of the perfect decisions or relationship, or those that are exempt from error.

 

Living is tasting, touching, initiative, taking risks and making mistakes, hence, we should consider the following… I know this will be hard to try not to be angry, do not fill your heart with your mind’s anger or rancor which is one of the hardest thing I had to learn due to so much pain .  But everyday I’m still learning to let go of what was horribly done to me.

 

Letting go is an art that must be done peacefully and without anger. Only then we will allow ourselves to be free, discovering that every day the pain is much less.

 

To let go, the first thing we must do is learn to accept: accept that every experience was worth it and part of the fabric of our life.  One who denies and forgets does not take responsibility, does not heal, and does not learn. You need to accept what happened and understand that letting go is also growing.

 

Someday everything will make sense. The pain of right now, the chaos and the uncertainty for having let go which defined you before will be that door that will bring much better things tomorrow, because remember…everything happens for a reason.

 

 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

 

Concrete Angels

Be Your True Self

“No one knows your truth but you. If you’re secure in yourself, no one and no(thing) can touch you.” – Brittany Burgunder

I Think about when I was a kid. When I wasn't afraid of following my heart, exploring new things, learning new lessons.... I never was afraid of failing in life..  In fact, I found my genuine self and spoke my mind unapologetically. But then something happened suddenly I changed so much?

I guess the fact is I grew up in abuse and my relationship was also abuse and I started giving more importance to what others think about me and trying so hard to make things work. I started thinking about how I was perceived by my social circles it took precedence over being my genuine self.  Status happened. Responsibilities happened, kids and etc.   I started putting people first before me trying to make everyone around me happy which led me not thinking of me anymore or my dreams or what I wanted.  I started allowing people to abuse my kindness and love. The people I loved and what they did to me was horrible but that's another story.  

I guess that's how I got here today looking at life a lot different and started thinking about me. I am not perfect nor want to be I just want peace in my life now.  No more fighting just good souls around me. Plus, people that love me for who I am. No more begging for love, no more abuse, no more betrayal or manipulation.

I found during my struggles at time that a person mentally using manipulation can change your whole life.  You will start not thinking about your dreams anymore because you don't want to let them down nor deal with the outcome effects of abuse.  How I lost myself was no matter what was thrown at me I still stood by them, I stepped down each time to make them first and I kept trying so hard to make them happy and start loving me then abusing me.  They became my focus to make happy, so this led me to walk on eggshells... But the harder I tried the more abuse came to me the more I lost myself not to mention their words in my head.

 When blind folds came off, I saw the true person looking at me.      I started to live my life based on their standards or what they wanted from me. This is where I had to learn, and I started to take notice of what was happening around me and start my transformation and it was time to make changes. I have to admit it wasn't easy leaving my relationship, but I had to Stop giving a shit and take the blind folds off of to see what was being done to me.  

I found along the way of healing that most people get irritated by passionate individuals who are driven by their goals and standing up for themself.   This is the very first step for me reclaiming my life. It wasn't easy and still have challenges ahead. But taking steps and standing up for me was a big one.  I now dream in color again and starting to love my life and me again.  

So don’t be afraid. Understand that you are enough and pursue what actually matters to you.

You are not alone

Concrete Angel

You are Not Broken

“Stop trying to ‘fix’ yourself; you’re NOT broken! You are perfectly imperfect and powerful beyond measure.” – Steve Maraboli

Repeat after me…You are NOT broken

You will experience challenges, heartbreak, and life-changing circumstances throughout your life.

Some of these will be so intense that you will start questioning yourself and your abilities, it will test your will power and may even ‘break’ you physically, mentally, and emotionally. This is exactly when you need to decide whether you wish to become a helpless victim or if you want to fight through the obstacles and take charge of your life and get up and fight so you can change your future.

There are numerous things that can bring our lives to a complete stop like severe illness, losing our jobs, a breakup or divorce, loss of a loved one, etc. Experiences like these can adversely affect our psychology and even break our spirit. We can end up feeling isolated, demotivated, and lost as our life gyrates downwards.

But life is a series of ups and downs. Nothing ever remains the same. Life changes constantly with time. But that doesn’t mean time will heal all your wounds. No, it just won’t. The only thing that will make your life better is your actions. The only thing that will matter is what you decide to do next with your life.

“Time doesn’t change us. It’s what we do with that time that changes us.” – Dr. Phil

Start by shifting your focus from the negative to the positive. Instead of describing yourself with self-defeating words like broken, realize the fact that you have already faced or facing your biggest challenge and have survived. Granted, you are barely managing yourself, but you are fighting it right now. Understand that you are strong enough and you can get out of this place to reclaim your life.

Restart. Reclaim. Rebuild.

Breathe. Tell yourself you got this. 

You are not alone

Concrete Angels