“No one knows your truth but you. If you’re secure in yourself, no one and no(thing) can touch you.” – Brittany Burgunder
I Think about when I was a kid. When I wasn't afraid of following my heart, exploring new things, learning new lessons.... I never was afraid of failing in life.. In fact, I found my genuine self and spoke my mind unapologetically. But then something happened suddenly I changed so much?
I guess the fact is I grew up in abuse and my relationship was also abuse and I started giving more importance to what others think about me and trying so hard to make things work. I started thinking about how I was perceived by my social circles it took precedence over being my genuine self. Status happened. Responsibilities happened, kids and etc. I started putting people first before me trying to make everyone around me happy which led me not thinking of me anymore or my dreams or what I wanted. I started allowing people to abuse my kindness and love. The people I loved and what they did to me was horrible but that's another story.
I guess that's how I got here today looking at life a lot different and started thinking about me. I am not perfect nor want to be I just want peace in my life now. No more fighting just good souls around me. Plus, people that love me for who I am. No more begging for love, no more abuse, no more betrayal or manipulation.
I found during my struggles at time that a person mentally using manipulation can change your whole life. You will start not thinking about your dreams anymore because you don't want to let them down nor deal with the outcome effects of abuse. How I lost myself was no matter what was thrown at me I still stood by them, I stepped down each time to make them first and I kept trying so hard to make them happy and start loving me then abusing me. They became my focus to make happy, so this led me to walk on eggshells... But the harder I tried the more abuse came to me the more I lost myself not to mention their words in my head.
When blind folds came off, I saw the true person looking at me. I started to live my life based on their standards or what they wanted from me. This is where I had to learn, and I started to take notice of what was happening around me and start my transformation and it was time to make changes. I have to admit it wasn't easy leaving my relationship, but I had to Stop giving a shit and take the blind folds off of to see what was being done to me.
I found along the way of healing that most people get irritated by passionate individuals who are driven by their goals and standing up for themself. This is the very first step for me reclaiming my life. It wasn't easy and still have challenges ahead. But taking steps and standing up for me was a big one. I now dream in color again and starting to love my life and me again.
So don’t be afraid. Understand that you are enough and pursue what actually matters to you.
You are not alone
Concrete Angel
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