Be kind and loving to yourself. It is important to show kindness and love for yourself as you work to get past hurtful emotions. This can take time, but doing things like taking good care of yourself, saying uplifting things to yourself, and showing self-compassion can help.
 

 

Narcissistic abuse can be devastating and traumatizing, to say the least. In most cases, we suffer from this type of abuse over several years and often it comes from people who we trust and love the most. Narcissistic abuse can not only affect our mental and emotional health but can also change who we are as a person and how we live the rest of our lives. However, it is possible to heal from PTSD and complex trauma incurred as a result of narcissistic abuse.

What to do when your heart wants someone that your mind knows is bad for you.

Often people who recently came out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist. They say:

My ex treated me miserably. By the time they kicked me to the curb or left, I was a total mess. I had lost my self-esteem and most of my self-confidence. It took me weeks to stop crying. I am in therapy and finally able to function again. Clearly, I know that I am better off without this relationship, but I still fantasize about my ex every day and wish that we could be together. Why can’t I just forget this person and move on?

One of the ways to understand what is going on here is to realize that our minds and our hearts sometimes travel on separate tracks. The key to healing is having them communicate with each other.

Your heart says: I love this person.

Your mind says: It is over. They abused you. You need to get far away and never go back.

This back-and-forth dialogue can go on for a long time without being resolved. These are two entirely different views of the same situation. One view is focused on how good it felt when things were going well and the other is focused on the reality of how everything actually turned out. You do not have to passively wait until something happens to break this stalemate. There are things that you can do to speed up you're healing and end this emotionally destructive push/pull.

It can be very hard to heal from narcissistic abuse because we tend to only focus on the good parts. We tell ourselves that we could have done something differently and we imagine that our ex will be giving someone new the perfect, everlasting love that we crave. It takes repeated cold doses of reality to counteract our fantasy that we lost something fantastic and irreplaceable cause we know they will not change for anyone it may not happen at first but will in time.

If you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, then the healing from the experience and the trauma is going to be a complicated and lengthy process. However, if you are positive and determined enough, you will find the path that leads you to a happier and healthier life.

 Don’t let someone who doesn’t know your value tell you how much you’re worth.

 

Narcissist’s Final Discard

The narcissist’s final discard is hurtful and often downright brutal. This person will typically blame it all on you.

However, the narcissist may also blame fate or life events, claiming that if things were different or you would of changed.

Unfortunately, things aren’t different, and it wouldn’t matter even if they were.

Additionally, the final breakup is when this person finds their narcissistic supply from someone else.

Just remember that if you let the narcissist comes back, this person will never change. It will be the same cycle of dump and reconciliation for a short time repeatedly if you let this happen.

What is the Final Discard?

The final discard is generally when the narcissist found another person or supply to take your place this usually happens quickly after the breakup to prove to everyone that they can get anyone they have a point to prove an ego to upkeep.  More than likely if quickly then they both were already sneaking around already…

Reasons the Narcissist Discards You

The narcissist has many reasons that they  will leave a relationship.

Lack of Narcissistic Supply

Once you no longer give this person what they need, the narcissist will look elsewhere. This often occurs if you’re experiencing a hardship in your life or stress that’s taking some of the attention away from the narcissist.

You’ll be stuck with your issue and the heartbreak of a broken relationship not to mention the betrayal. It's only about them not about your feelings they never loved you or cared. 

New Supply

Since the narcissist loves making new conquests, plus feeds the ego this person will finds someone else to give them a fix.

While the individual may frequently cheat while in the relationship and betrayal, they will eventually go to someone easy that has an illusion of the honeymoon stage and attention. But remember you were once there also. 

Wrongdoing

If the narcissist is caught doing something wrong that you can’t stand by them, this person will make your life miserable and verbal abuse you. Remember, the individual needs your absolute and undying support in everything. Once you can’t give that, it’s time to toss you to the side even though you did nothing wrong. they never cared about your needs the relationship was always about them. 

Stages of Narcissistic Discard

You could say that once you start a relationship with a narcissist, it’s already the beginning of the end.

This person has no legitimate feelings about anyone but themself, but they are certainly cunning and charming enough to make you believe he or she truly cares. Not to mention the perfect person to get involved with.

After the love-bombing tactics the narcissist has used to lure you into their world, the relationship takes on a different dynamic once you’ve been hooked.

You’re no Longer Special

In the beginning, the narcissist makes you feel like you’re one in a million and typically showers you with affection and gifts.

However, once this person knows you’re all in, this love bombing stops.

Although it may be a bit gradual, it usually happens suddenly. While this should be a red flag, you’ll most likely overlook it as a phase that will pass.

The Manipulation Begins

The narcissist will work hard to control you through gaslighting and other tactics. He or she will blame you for everything, making you feel worthless and dependent on them.

If the narcissist feels like they are losing you but isn’t quite ready for the big ditch, this person may toss in brief bouts of affection or tell you what you want to hear.

But this is just to string you along until they find another supply which usually a snake in the grass already, which you can bet the narcissist is looking for.

The Narcissist no Longer Tries due to search for next supply.

When the narcissist tries to defend themselves when you catch this person lying, cheating, or whatever, you know the end is near. They will hang around a bit longer to see how much you’ll put up with. Then turn the table around and blame you for what they are already doing. 

By this time, they are most likely in a sneaky betrayal relationship or have two going on the side. They won’t spend as much time with you do to they found the next fix.

The End is Near

Your narcissist partner will blame you for the relationship going bad even if you think everything had been going fine up until this point. They will make up reasons as to why you are the one who ruined the relationship.

At this point, the two of you may break up. The narcissist will leave you heartbroken and empty after tearing away every bit of self-esteem you may have had.

This person does that, to make you feel unworthy or unlovable, so they don't feel guilty of the wrong they did. So, you are the problem. 

Often, the narcissist will just disappear without saying a word. That’s because he found a new victim or supply for his fix.

Is This the Narcissist’s Final Discard?

Once the narcissist leaves you, this person will likely try to come back into your life weeks, months, or even years later.

You may even hear about how you were evil while the narcissist was the victim as this person spreads lies to make themself look so innocent and good to others. Not to mention that the next supply or fix they are going around making everyone think how perfect they are…  Which we all know won’t last.

What Happens After the Final Discard?

Oddly, it’s referred to as the “final discard” because it’s very rare for a narcissist ever to make it truly the end.

You see, once a narcissist exhausts their supply, they may remember getting so much from you in the past.

Be aware that this individual will act as they finally had an epiphany and seen the light that the two of you are meant to be together, that they couldn’t stop thinking about you whether its good or bad thoughts.

However, if you do go back, it’s only temporary. Once the narcissist has found an exciting new supply for their ego boost, you will be discarded again.

It’s important to remember that the narcissist doesn’t love you. Yes, that hurts to know, but it’s the truth. This individual can’t feel love like others do because it’s all about the narcissist.

It’s up to You

Although the narcissist may never come back into your life, You may agree to talk to this person because you want closure. Any answers you get will be lies.

Either this person will blame you but be willing to give you another chance, or finally seen the light that the two of you were meant to be.

Just remember, you’re not going to get honest answers. The truth is, you were with a narcissist, and that’s just how they work relationships.

Instead of dwelling on the beginning of the relationship where you felt so special and loved, think about the horrible things the narcissist also put you through. Do you want to go through all the ups and downs again just for another heartbreak?

If the narcissist knows your weaknesses, especially if you’re codependent, this person will eventually find the right words or actions to get you back every time.

This is why holding to no contact with a narcissist once the breakup it’s so important. No matter how hard this person tries to get back into your life, you must stay strong and resist any type of contact.

You may need to find a therapist to help you learn coping and resistance skills along the way, but this will help you avoid being victimized again.

Only you can create the absolutely “final” discard with the narcissist, and breaking free from this person can be the best decision you’ll make for your self-esteem and self-worth.

If you struggle with anxiety, depression, high-stress levels, relationship issues, or other specific challenges, one-on-one support from a therapist can help a lot.

You are not alone

You don’t need to go through this alone. There’s no shame in getting help!

 

Emotional Abuse Recovery Tips

It can take time to heal from an emotionally abusive relationship, Williams says. A mental health professional can help you recover. But there are also strategies you can use on your own to regain your footing.

Write it all down

I encourage people to start journaling their reality it helped me. A classic strategy for emotional abusers is to make you doubt yourself. So, write down everything — what you did, what you said, what you’re feeling.

By keeping a record of your life, you can look back when you’re doubting yourself. Confirming that your memories match with that record will help you trust yourself more.

Stop blaming yourself

If you’ve experienced emotional abuse, you might have absorbed the (untrue) message that it’s somehow your fault or that you deserve it. Think again.

“It’s not about you. It’s about the abuser’s need to control you.  “Remind yourself — over and over, if necessary — that it isn’t your fault.”

Don’t engage

If you’re in a situation where you still need to interact with an emotional abuser, try to step back. It’s not always easy — remember, they’re trying to get a reaction out of you. But you don’t have to give them that satisfaction.

“See what happens if you don’t respond. Don’t argue. Don’t apologize. “Choosing not to engage is one of the most powerful things you can do.”

Question your “normal”

If you grew up in an emotionally volatile home, you might think yelling, intimidating and shaming are normal. “But what you’re used to isn’t necessarily what’s healthy.  Taking some time to reflect and question what you think is normal.

Learn to trust

Emotional abuse can leave its stamp on you. People who experienced emotional abuse may fall into similar behavior patterns as adults. One common reaction is to distrust others.

Intimacy is so scary, you want to run in the opposite direction. But there are plenty of good, kind people out there. Once you spot your trouble with trusting, you can start to chip away at it and begin to let people into your world.

Put yourself on your to-do list

People who grew up in emotionally abusive homes often become people- pleasers. If love was conditional when you were growing up, you might always feel the need to prove your worth.

But if you’re taking care of everyone around you — physically, emotionally, even financially — you can get overwhelmed. Don’t forget to take care of your needs, too.”

Ask for help

It’s a natural tendency to downplay the effects of emotional abuse. People often think if they’re not feeling extreme pain, they should be able to deal with it on their own.

But asking for help is a form of self-compassion. If you’re trying to move on from an emotionally abusive relationship, there’s no shame in seeking professional help. Once you start to recognize emotional abuse, it can help to have someone coaching you through it.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE..

Understanding Emotional Abuse

    The first step to getting help for emotional abuse can be the hardest. This step requires us to recognize the problem. Quite often, people don’t realize they’re experiencing emotional abuse.

 “People often say ‘That’s just the way my partner or parent has always been,”. It’s not until they start to peel back the behavior that they realize it’s unhealthy.

     Perpetrators of emotional abuse will often do the following:

•      Attempt to control you.
•      Dismiss your feelings or claim you’re too sensitive.
•      Isolate you from family and friends.
•      Make you doubt yourself or feel ashamed.
•      Call you names.
•      Withhold affection.
•      Yell, intimidate or make threats.

Gaslighting

“Gaslighting” is a particularly sinister type of emotional abuse. The abuser might try to make you feel like you’re losing your mind. They might claim, “I never said that” or “I never did that.” They might even hide objects, so their victims feel out of control.

The goal is to make you feel responsible for what’s happening. You begin to question your reality, who you are as a person and what you know to be true.

YOU ARE NOT ALONE

Emotional abuse may not leave physical bruises, but it often leaves behind deep, lingering wounds.

Emotional abuse, also known as psychological abuse, can leave its imprint on your behavior and even your physical health. But it doesn’t have to be a legacy. 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.