Narcissistic abuse can be devastating and traumatizing, to say the least. In most cases, we suffer from this type of abuse over several years and often it comes from people who we trust and love the most. Narcissistic abuse can not only affect our mental and emotional health but can also change who we are as a person and how we live the rest of our lives. However, it is possible to heal from PTSD and complex trauma incurred as a result of narcissistic abuse.

What to do when your heart wants someone that your mind knows is bad for you.

Often people who recently came out of an abusive relationship with a narcissist. They say:

My ex treated me miserably. By the time they kicked me to the curb or left, I was a total mess. I had lost my self-esteem and most of my self-confidence. It took me weeks to stop crying. I am in therapy and finally able to function again. Clearly, I know that I am better off without this relationship, but I still fantasize about my ex every day and wish that we could be together. Why can’t I just forget this person and move on?

One of the ways to understand what is going on here is to realize that our minds and our hearts sometimes travel on separate tracks. The key to healing is having them communicate with each other.

Your heart says: I love this person.

Your mind says: It is over. They abused you. You need to get far away and never go back.

This back-and-forth dialogue can go on for a long time without being resolved. These are two entirely different views of the same situation. One view is focused on how good it felt when things were going well and the other is focused on the reality of how everything actually turned out. You do not have to passively wait until something happens to break this stalemate. There are things that you can do to speed up you're healing and end this emotionally destructive push/pull.

It can be very hard to heal from narcissistic abuse because we tend to only focus on the good parts. We tell ourselves that we could have done something differently and we imagine that our ex will be giving someone new the perfect, everlasting love that we crave. It takes repeated cold doses of reality to counteract our fantasy that we lost something fantastic and irreplaceable cause we know they will not change for anyone it may not happen at first but will in time.

If you are a victim of narcissistic abuse, then the healing from the experience and the trauma is going to be a complicated and lengthy process. However, if you are positive and determined enough, you will find the path that leads you to a happier and healthier life.