Narcissistic abuse is a type of emotional
abuse where the abuser only cares about themselves and may use words and
actions to manipulate their partner's behavior and emotional state.
Effects of narcissistic abuse can vary
depending on how long one can endure these types of relationships. The effects
range from mild to severe, with some survivors recovering while others may
sustain lifelong damage.1 Here's how narcissistic abuse
can impact your life.
Anxiety
Many narcissistic abuse survivors live
with anxiety. After experiencing narcissistic abuse, you may experience extreme
fear or anxiety in relationships with new people. Those who leave abusive
relationships may experience separation anxiety, leading them to feel
panicked and disoriented when they're not with their abusers.
If your symptoms include anxiety
attacks, panic attacks, or hypervigilance after being abused by a
narcissist, know that these symptoms will ease over time, particularly if you
can work through your trauma with a professional.
Depression
Many people who have experienced
narcissistic abuse also develop depression. Survivors often struggle with
feelings of worthlessness after months or years of being told how useless and
stupid they are by their abuser. After years of being manipulated and gaslighted,
you may also isolate yourself, which can make feelings of depression worse.
Post-Traumatic Stress
As a narcissistic abuse survivor, you
will likely have symptoms of post-traumatic stress. Your brain will be on
high alert, looking out for danger. This is because the traumatic events
triggered a fight or flight response within you. As a result,
anything associated with those memories can trigger an anxiety attack.
After experiencing narcissistic abuse,
you may feel the need to be on guard 24/7. Victims of narcissists often mention
that they never knew what their abuser was going to do next. You may struggle
to relax because of chronic hypervigilance and expecting them (the abuser) to
be around every corner.
You may also steer clear of certain
situations or things that remind you of the abuse. This can range from avoiding
certain places or particular people.
Loss of Sense of Self and Self-Worth
You may feel as if you have completely
lost yourself. Narcissistic abuse is a form of brainwashing, and as such, it
can destroy your sense of self-worth. You may no longer feel like the
person you were before all this began.
In many cases, those who have
experienced narcissistic abuse will struggle to recognize themselves in the
mirror because they no longer see their true reflection staring back at them.
You may also have trust issues with
other people (especially those closest to you), and constantly find yourself
doubting or second-guessing yourself.
You may begin to feel like you are not
good enough or that you did something to cause the abuse in the first place.
This can lead to shame and embarrassment, which may often stop you from
reaching out for help.
You may also have trouble making
decisions. You may get confused by simple decisions, or you might feel
unable to make any decision at all.
Narcissistic
abusers will often try to derail your goals and aspirations. They want to
control everything about you, down to the activities that made up who you were
as a person.
Inability to Forgive Yourself
After experiencing narcissistic abuse,
many victims struggle with feeling unworthy or believing that they deserve how
the narcissist treated them. It may feel like there must be something
inherently wrong with you if someone who was supposed to love you
unconditionally used their power against you in such cruel ways. You might
struggle with low self-esteem and believe that the narcissistic abuser would
have treated you better if only you had done things differently.
You may also have trouble focusing on
your goals and dreams. This could be because you're still preoccupied with
thoughts of what happened to you. Or, it could be that your sense of self-worth
is so damaged, it's difficult for you to believe that anything good can happen
in your life anymore.
Physical Symptoms
After experiencing narcissistic abuse,
you may live with physical symptoms, including headaches, stomachaches, or body
aches. You may also have difficulty sleeping after experiencing
narcissistic abuse. You may be stressed about what happened and find it
difficult to shut off your brain at night. Or, you could end up having nightmares that
haunt you for days afterward.
Cognitive Problems
After narcissistic abuse, it may
become difficult for you to concentrate on everyday tasks, such as completing
work or just watching TV. Memories of traumatic events are known to interfere
with concentration and focus. You may experience memory loss, especially for a
short-term. This is because the brain releases a surge of stress hormones when
traumatized, affecting the hippocampus region in your brain.
Emotional Lability
After going through a traumatic event
such as narcissistic abuse, it's common to suffer sudden mood swings accompanied
by irritability. Or you may find yourself feeling emotionless and like a
robot. You might experience depersonalization in where it feels as if everything around
you is not accurate.
You might even feel the
need to exact revenge against your abuser. But this hatred towards them only
creates more stress and anxiety, which perpetuates mental health problems.
Effects on Children
If you have children who witnessed
narcissistic abuse, they could also be at risk of developing mental health
problems such as PTSD, anxiety disorders, or depression. They might become
fearful in situations that remind them of their traumatic experiences. They
might also feel angry at your spouse or the world, feel disconnected from other
people, or have low self-esteem or confidence issues.
Loss of Self-Worth
After experiencing narcissistic abuse,
you might feel like you don't even know yourself anymore.3 You could start questioning your self-worth, have
trust issues with other people (especially those closest to you), and
constantly find yourself doubting or second-guessing yourself.
You may begin to feel like you are not
good enough or that you did something to cause abuse in the first place. This
can lead to shame and embarrassment, which may often stop you from reaching out
for help.
You may also have trouble making
decisions due to a lack of self-worth. You may get confused by simple
decisions, or you might feel unable to make any decision at all.
Stuck in a Cycle
After experiencing narcissistic abuse,
many people find themselves stuck in a cycle where their abuser continues to
contact them after the relationship has ended.
They may act nice (also
called hoovering) to get you back, issue threats, or attempt to manipulate you
by making you feel sorry for them. This can be a tactic used by narcissists to
keep their victims trapped in the cycle of abuse.
Trust Issues
After experiencing narcissistic abuse,
your trust levels will likely be very low. While this can seem like a good
thing (in some ways), it could also hinder your future relationships. This
issue may lead to other problems such as social anxiety.
You might find yourself constantly
wondering whether people are being truthful with you or if they are just
manipulating your emotions to get what they want. You may become hypervigilant
and overly sensitive to criticism or judgment from
others due to the fear of being betrayed yet again.
You may struggle with trust issues in
all aspects of your life, including personal relationships, friendships,
work interactions, or even contact with family members. You may also
experience Insecure attachment, which means that you may constantly feel
that people will leave or betray you.
People Pleasing
You may become a people pleaser and
try to make people like you. You may become overly accommodating to get
approval from others after having had to walk on eggshells for so long.4 You might struggle with expressing your emotions and
thoughts after narcissistic abuse because of the fear of being judged for what
you say. To avoid confrontation from a narcissist abuser, you likely bottled up
your feelings.
Self-Destructive Habits
Another effect of narcissistic abuse
can be self-destructive habits . People who have been in relationships
with narcissists often feel the need to punish themselves because they may feel
as though they were at fault for their partner's bad behavior toward them.
You may experience problems with
addiction such as drinking, smoking, and even food addiction or overspending.
These addictions may be a way to numb emotional pain.
How to Heal from Narcissistic Abuse
Narcissistic abuse has the potential
to destroy the foundation of most people's lives irreparably. It takes time and
energy to heal from betrayal, heartbreak, gaslighting, and financial losses
caused by an abusive partner. What's more, you may have lost friends and family
members along the way due to self-isolation. If you are struggling, it's
important to find ways to heal. Below are some suggestions.
- Recognize and accept your feelings. You may experience a range of emotions such as
grief, depression, anger, and anxiety. Whatever you are feeling is valid,
and it's important not to suppress those feelings or judge yourself for
having them.
- Educate yourself. Learn the traits of a narcissist and what
constitutes narcissistic abuse to more easily recognize when you are being
manipulated.
- Join a support group. There are many communities on the internet
and in real life for people who have had similar experiences. You may find
it therapeutic to interact with others who understand exactly what you're
going through and can offer tips and advice to help you cope.
- Reach out to a therapist or counselor. A therapist can help equip you with tools to
cope with and heal from narcissistic abuse in a safe and non-judgmental
space.
- Practice self-care. When your self-esteem has taken a hit, it's
easy to feel like you don't deserve anything good for yourself. However,
that couldn't be further from the truth. It's essential to take care of yourself.
Make sure you're getting enough sleep, eating healthy food, and engaging
in activities that you find enjoyable.
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