After abuse, when we look into the
mirror, we think we see someone we do not know anymore. We tend to think the
abuser fundamentally changed us at our core. We worry that we’ll never be “that
girl” who gave her heart away so freely ever again.
I
think of the effects of abuse differently. During our abusive relationship, our
abuser imagined us to be someone different. In the spirit of love and
cooperation, we tried very hard to add the abuser’s
version of us to us; we hid, we didn’t kill ourselves.
Evidence
that we did not succeed in changing ourselves is proof that we did not
change who we were. If we had changed who we were, our
relationship should have worked out – there would be
nothing for the abuser to complain about. But no. We left our abusive
relationships fighting and kicking the whole way.
Life
after abuse can be one of the most frightening and most liberating experiences
of your life.
For
many of us, leaving abuse is truly a leap of faith (Life with An Abuser vs Life with Freedom and Choice).
No one knows what heartaches & challenges, successes and joys you will find
“on the other side.” But one thing is certain: your choices after abuse
will change you more quickly than your abuser was able to brainwash you. In
essence, life after abuse requires you to brainwash yourself.
It is
important that you treat yourself right during your recovery from abuse.
Continuing to abuse yourself mentally, emotionally, or physically will continue
your life of chaos and pain. But when you know what to do – the tricks
and tips of recovery that work for you — life after abuse can be magical!
Greatest Fears for Life Without Abuse
The
good news is that you are STILL you! You are no longer a
figure of someone’s imagination. You no longer must hide under your abuser’s
version of “the perfect spouse” to protect yourself. You didn’t
go anywhere! You were only hiding. You don’t have to
make yourself small anymore.
Goals for Recovery In Your Life After Abuse
The
main goals of life after abuse and recovery are
- to shed the fake personality of
your abuser’s “dream woman”
- to separate your thoughts and
emotions from your abuser’s brainwashing
- to uncover the beautiful, shining
spirit that is still inside of you
- to live life after abuse with
greater wisdom, vision, and resourcefulness than ever
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