Emotional Manipulation

Manipulation refers to strategies and behaviors a person uses to gain power or influence over another. These tactics often include attempts to damage another person's emotional and mental well-being.

Emotional manipulation affects the dynamics of a relationship. A manipulative person often engages in harmful behaviors over time, creating an imbalance of power. The impact can be devastating, leaving a person feeling confused, isolated, or even depressed.

It can be hard to spot emotional manipulation. Healing from a relationship in which controlling or manipulative tactics were used can also be difficult. Recognizing the signs of manipulation can help you begin to identify if a situation feels unhealthy or unsafe for you. Establishing boundaries, developing effective communication skills, and seeking support from loved ones or a trusted professional are helpful ways to take care of yourself. If you use these tactics and want to change your behavior, you can start by seeking out a mental health professional.

 What Is Manipulative Behavior?

Manipulative behavior includes actions a person uses to gain influence or control over someone else. These behaviors may include:

• Lying
• Denying
• Passive-aggressive behavior
• Gaslighting
• Silence
• Criticizing
• Withholding
• Blaming
• Getting a person outside of their comfort zone to give themselves an advantage

People who manipulate others may have difficulty identifying and expressing their wants and needs appropriately and healthily.

Manipulative behavior can also serve other purposes. For instance, control and manipulation can help the manipulator by:

• Causing doubt and confusion 
• Helping them avoid conflict
• Concealing their true intentions
• Allowing them to avoid responsibility for their behavior
• Not having to change their behavior 

Emotional Manipulation

Emotional manipulation can feel like a person is playing mind games, because it can cause:

• A person to question what is happening in their relationship and environment
• Fear and doubt
• Degrading trust in self and others

This helps the manipulator gain power over another individual and undermine their ability to think rationally.

Tactics

Some tactics of emotional manipulation include comparing, lying, exaggerating, withholding important information or valuable items, and silence abusing things you love. Each of these behaviors can be detrimental to mental and emotional safety. 

Gaslighting

Gaslighting is a tactic that causes a person to question their reality.² This may involve a manipulator lying, denying things they've said, twisting facts, and using a person's words against them. Over time, this creates uncertainty and doubt, and can cause a person to second-guess their experiences. 

Passive-Aggression

A person may use passive-aggressive statements or behaviors, which can lead to feelings of distress when the other person's behavior doesn't match their words.

An example of passive-aggressive behavior is when a person behaves as if they are upset or disappointed without directly communicating it.

Criticizing or Judging

These manipulation tactics help someone gain power by making others feel inadequate and inferior. A manipulator may make harmful and damaging statements about a person's appearance, personality, insecurities, circumstances, and more.

Blaming

Blaming is a way of avoiding responsibility for one's words and actions. A manipulator may assign fault to the other party to keep the focus off of themselves. This can lead to feelings of guilt and misplaced responsibility. 

Advantage

To give themselves the upper hand, a manipulator may find ways to get someone out of their comfort zone or environment they are familiar with, which puts the other individual at a disadvantage. It can be disorienting to be in a strange environment and have someone exert control. This can lead to feelings of fear and powerlessness.

Seeing it Yourself

It may seem easy to recognize emotional manipulation when it is happening to others, but challenging to see when you are in the midst of it yourself.

Feeling like you're walking on eggshells or being afraid to speak up or address boundaries may be other signs a person is in an unhealthy situation.

Every person is responsible for themselves and how they communicate with and treat others. It's important to remember that emotional manipulation is never the fault of the person on the receiving end of the behavior.  

Protect Yourself

When a person seeking power and control begins to lose it, their behavior can escalate or become erratic. During this time, it’s vital to take care of yourself, ensure your own safety, and make decisions about what feels healthiest for you regarding the relationship.

Summary

Manipulation is when a person uses controlling and harmful behaviors to avoid responsibility, conceal their true intentions, or cause doubt and confusion. Manipulation tactics, such as gaslighting, lying, blaming, criticizing, and shaming, can be incredibly damaging to a person's psychological well-being. These behaviors are common and can occur in different relationships, including platonic, romantic, familial, and professional. Resources and support are available for people who want to change their behavior or are healing from their relationship with a manipulator. 

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