Some
days I struggle, some days I cry, some days I'm just holding onto all the
pieces just so I can feel whole again. When the days I feel I can't go on.....
I remind myself that I made it through everything that was meant to break me.
Sometimes what’s meant to break you
makes you brave. We all deal with struggles in our lives and when we see
ourselves succeed, we can face more of them head-on.
There have been
some ups and downs during this time in my life. I don’t know about you, but
I’ve learned quite a bit about myself. I learned that I need time alone. I need
time where no one is in the house and I am not “on-call” as mom, wife,
daughter, friend, or anything for just a little while. I need that to feel like
myself and rest all the parts of me that insist on caring for everyone and
making them priority over myself even when there is no gas left in the
tank.
I have learned
that as difficult as this time has been, I still truly believe that this is the
best time of my life. It’s a strange thing to say, but it is something I try to
remind myself of. I am so grateful for the people that have come and gone in my
life, the true colors people have showed me, and the support system and new
friends . I am lucky to have somewhere safe to be, food on the table, and the
ability to care for and heal myself. I still have not got everything together
on my own since all was taken from me. So on the days when it is difficult to
remember, I try very hard to remind myself of this glaring positivity.
We all deal with
tough times and navigate important things, and sometimes at the same time. If
our entire lives were easy, we wouldn’t know what real courage and strength
was. We wouldn’t have anything to compare it to.
Everyone
encounters challenging times in their lives. I think we can all agree that you
never know what life will throw at you. Life is one big rollercoaster ride of
ups and downs.
There
will be times when you feel like you’re on top of the world, while other times,
you may feel like you’re at rock bottom. Most of us will sway on both ends of
the continuum at some point in our lives.
Playing
with the unknown makes the journey through life equally exciting and
terrifying.
If
you’ve been clinging to dear life with the belief that life is supposed to be
linear, you’re in for a rude awakening.
When
bad things happen, it’s natural to feel down and hurt. You may even fall into
the trap of assuming that things will never get better. Unfortunately, this
mindset is the very thing that keeps so many people stuck in one place and
drowning in victimhood.
So, this wild ride
that we call in life is actually an endless string of highs and lows, successes
and failures, setbacks and comebacks. This is why it is imperative that you
develop your resilience muscle.
Bouncing Back
I know how hard it is to pull yourself out of the
rubble when life knocks you down. My rock bottom was ugly. I wasn’t ready for
it. It hit me like a ton of bricks and left me feeling hopeless, scared and
unloved or wanted not to mention the betrayal and domestic abuse.
My
greatest knockdown in life tested my physical, mental, and emotional
resilience. However, through it all, my ‘bounce-back ability’ is starting to
grow stronger over time and healing.
In
many ways, this horrible experience has become my greatest gift. It’s given me
the ability to connect with my mind, body and, and soul on a whole new level.
More importantly, it led me to my life’s purpose and open my eyes to a lot of
things.
In my
experience, the goal of resiliency isn’t just bouncing back fast. Rather, it’s
about learning how to bounce forward. In order to prevent the same mistakes
from happening again, it’s not enough to merely rebuild yourself. Trust me its
a lot of healing and learning along the way.
You’ve
got to take it one step further and find meaning in difficult times so that you
can your transform pain into possibility.
When it feels like you don’t have the strength to get
through difficult times, I’m here to tell you that you do.
Take a moment and think back to every hardship you have
endured in the past.
You are still standing. Why do you think this is? What
was it about your character that allowed you to get through these difficult
times?
I would argue that today people don’t give themselves enough
credit for how truly resilient they are and have always been.
It doesn’t matter how many times you fall. All that matters
is that you bounce back.
I’m a true believer that you will never know how strong
you are until being strong is the only option that you have.
I am the living proof that you can transform rock
bottom into a life that is truly purposeful. However, you’ve got to believe
that this is possible for you. Trust me there are times I fall back but I keep
going forward. Pain starts getting less.
Lessons to learn along the way.
1.
REFRAME THE DIFFICULT EXPERIENCE
Let’s face it… it’s disappointing when life knocks you
down. In this state, it’s easy to drop into self-pity and blame the world for
your problems. The internal narrative, “Why me?” may play out in your
head like a bad record.
However, just because you get derailed, that doesn’t
mean that you’ve failed altogether. I like to give myself five minutes to
wallow in my disappointment and then, I get back to being an emotional
gangster.
How do I do this?
By reframing my interpretation of a negative
experience.
Reframing means changing the way you think
or “talk” to yourself about a stressful event. Instead
of saying “I give up”, “I’m a failure,” shift your internal narrative
and say something like, “This is merely a setback. I will get through this
because I’m a strong person.”
It all comes down to the meaning that you give
experiences in life, both the good and the bad. Stressful life events are
merely opportunities for you to grow and become more.
SHOW
YOURSELF COMPASSION
I believe that self-compassion helps you face life’s
challenges with more grace and ease. No matter what setback you encounter in
life, don’t beat yourself up about it.
Whether it was something within your control or not,
show yourself some self-compassion.
When you take the time to be kind to yourself, you are
reinforcing the idea that you deserve to be treated well. The worst thing that
you can do is blame yourself. This is a surefire way to experience feelings of
shame which is a strong burden to bare.
Self-compassion acknowledges the reality that you are
having an unhealthy moment, not an unhealthy life. You always have a choice
what the next moment is going to be.
The next time that chaos strikes, ask yourself what you
need in order to feel more grounded when everything in your environment feels
uneasy.
Showing yourself love is all about acknowledging and
accepting that you aren’t perfect, and neither is life! All any of us can do is
our best.
Adopting this mindset will allow you to view challenges
more objectively and in turn, feel more in control of your life.
At the end of the day, you cannot control how others
react or what the world gives you. However, you can always control your inner
world.
TAKE
RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOUR LIFE
If you refuse to take responsibility for life’s
setbacks, you avoid problems altogether and, in turn, disempower yourself.
A setback may not have been your fault. However, that
doesn’t mean that you can’t take ownership of it. When circumstances are
unfavorable, it takes guts to say, “I’m owning this.”
Spending time and energy being bitter towards a
situation is a waste of time. You can’t move forward in life if you’re too busy
blaming the world for your problems.
Avoid making excuses at all costs and recognize the
role that you played in the situation. This is how you will feel empowered to
learn from your mistakes and bounce back fast when you get knocked down.
In the words of Erica Jong,
“Take your life in your own hands, and what happens? A
terrible thing: No one to blame.”
FIND
THE SILVER LINING
Life acts in funny ways. What may seem like the worst
thing in the world may turn out to be a blessing in disguise.
Did life really knock you down, or is life just trying
to steer you in another direction? The second that things aren’t going our way,
we’re often inclined to think of it as a bad thing. But what if it isn’t?
By looking at the bright side of a difficult situation,
you will feel more empowered to find a solution to the problem.
Research shows that having a positive outlook in
difficult circumstances is not only an important predictor of resilience, but
it is the most important predictor of it.
Optimistic people always look at obstacles and
challenges as opportunities to improve themselves. If you can see the glass
half full, you will be a happier person overall, regardless of life’s
knockdowns.
GET
RIGHT BACK UP AGAIN
When life knocks you down, you always have two choices
— get up and move forward or stay on the ground and accept defeat.
From my personal experience, I have found that the
longer you stay down, the harder it is to get back up again.
I encourage you to use every fall as an opportunity to
evolve into a wiser human being. Failing is merely proof that you’re trying; so, fail more and do it well!
The reality is that you won’t grow from merely hanging
out in your comfort zone. True growth requires that you take big risks and put
yourself on the line, without knowing what the final outcome will be.
The path to an extraordinary life will require that you
do the very thing that others aren’t willing to do.
I have yet to meet successful people who hasn’t
struggled to achieve the success they now have. The only difference between them
and everyone else is that they don’t give up when things get tough.
When they get knocked off track, they jump right back
in without giving it a second thought. If they can’t find a way, they make a
way. There is no option B.
The next time that life knocks you down, bounce back
fast, knowing that your refusal to quit means that you’re already winning at
the game of life. Every struggle you experience is a mere steppingstone on the
road to your success.
I believe that we
can only know true happiness when we’ve been forced out of a comfort zone or
even a place where we are not loved or cared about. When we have to see the
potential dark places and fears. You appreciate life, and in the long run, I
think it makes us more grateful. I found that out after Brain surgery
everything changed, I looked at life different and started appreciating life and looked at things in a different way. It is very
difficult to take things for granted when we’ve dealt with the great potential
of them disappearing. I guess that’s how I decided to get back into
another relationship again after my marriage. I also realize I tried
too hard to make people around me happy and loved that I forgot about
myself. It also didn’t help with the abuse because it made me tolerate
it until it broke me.
We all have
stories, and we all have hard times, but changing your perspective and seeing
your strength may help you see the world in a new way, just as it keeps
transforming for me.
Falling
down is just a part of life. However, getting up is where the real living is.
Whatever you do, don’t give up.
In
the words of Vince Lombardi,
“It doesn’t matter how many times you
get knocked down, but how many times you get up.”
Pick
yourself up off the floor, wipe away your tears, and keep going. You’ve got
this.
You are not alone
Concrete Angel
