I had to repeatedly reminded myself “You did the best you could in the
situation with the resources you had available to you.” Prior
to hearing this I judged myself incessantly for not leaving the relationship
sooner, and for waiting for change for so long and to seek support. I felt I
had wasted years of my life and felt like a failure.
By judging myself, I realized I was continuing to hurt myself.
As I’ve begun to heal, I have been able to reframe my experience from
self-criticism to self-compassion.
Emotional abuse is destructive both in the short term and long
term, evoking feelings of fear, confusion, hopelessness, and shame. It comes as
no surprise that during the abuse I was unable to look after myself. Again, as
with anything there are harder days than others, on days where I am unable to
provide myself with kindness, I ask myself how a loved one would respond to me
in the circumstances?
Each person’s experience will be different, with mine being only
one example. In writing this article my desire is to raise awareness of the
devastating impacts of gaslighting and to share a message of hope.
To anyone reading who is experiencing, or who has experienced
abuse, we can have a better life where we no longer live in fear. While our
trauma begins in relationships, having access to trusted and healthy
relationships can also help us heal.
It isn’t a quick process, but with each day things can and will
get better. Having been forced to the deepest lows of my life, and made it to
where I am now, I am living proof that we can have a better life.
You are beautiful, you are loved, and you are a survivor. Be
kind to yourself.
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