Love is not in our control

Love is not in our control, so sometimes we end up in a situation where we fall in love with the wrong person. We may end up in a relationship with that person, but it does not work out. Leaving that person feels so hurtful that we choose to stick to it in a toxic relationship.

Loving the wrong person or the right person is not in our hands most of the time. If we fell in love with the right person, none of us would have to deal with the pain of a breakup. You wouldn’t have to worry about your partner cheating on you and everything would be perfect.  Relationships would not be as complicated as they are. You would not have to look for signs as you just know who is perfect for you.

Falling in love is not in our hands but getting out of the wrong relationship is surely in our hands. It is not easy, but you must do this for peace of mind.

AM I LOVING THE WRONG PERSON?

Almost every one of us had this question in our mind, “Am I loving the wrong person?” We just want to be sure that a person will never leave us and that they will make our life beautiful and peaceful. It is hard to know sometimes when you are at the start of a relationship as you two are enjoying your honeymoon phase. But once this phase ends, the real colors of that person show up. Other times it is too obvious that this is a poor match as there is nothing but red flags.

But the question here is how to know, “Am I loving the wrong person?” Don’t worry, I have got you covered. Here are some signs I know now that might help you find out if you are in love with the wrong person:

YOU TRY TO COMMUNICATE YOUR ISSUES, BUT NOTHING CHANGES.

Expecting your partner to change is nothing but foolishness. In a healthy relationship, when two partners share their concerns, they try to find a way to tackle these issues together. But when someone is in a wrong relationship, you can have tough talks with your partner every time you want, but these discussions will not be fruitful. You communicate your concerns, but nothing changes. This is a clear sign that you are in love with the wrong person. You can’t expect someone to change for you as it does not happen unless the other person really wants to be with you and is willing to compromise, consider your needs and try to respect your boundaries.

YOU HAVE ADOPTED UNHEALTHY HABITS.

Being in a relationship with someone should help you improve yourself. It should help you in becoming a better person. But if after being in a relationship with this person you have started adopting some bad habits, maybe he or she is not right for you. For example, self-care was very important for you, but now everything has changed. You used to avoid drinking, but after being in a relationship, you started drinking a little too much. So, you have to give this relationship second thought or your partner is making you indulge in drugs or negative behavior.

YOU FEEL EMOTIONALLY EXHAUSTED.

Being emotionally exhausted in a relationship is terrible. One should not be in a relationship like this. Obviously, relationships are not easy, you must invest your time and efforts, but they should not be draining.

“A good relationship should leave you feeling energized, not drained.”

So, if your relationship makes you feel drained and emotionally exhausted, you might be in love with the wrong person. It can affect your mental health too.

THERE IS A NEVER-ENDING ON AND OFF-CYCLE

On and off situations make you feel hopeful that someday things will get better. But the worst thing about these relationships is that you train yourself to go back to something that does not work. So, if you are in a kind of relationship where you break up and then get back again and again, it is a sign that you are in love with the wrong person. You must break the cycle as it is not healthy. Do not try to maintain friendship either, as it will lead you back into a mess and time is so precious don’t waste it on the wrong person.

YOUR PARTNER DOES NOT APOLOGIZE.

We all make mistakes and there is nothing wrong with that if we apologize. Some of us are very egotist and of a narcissistic nature. These kinds of people will never accept their mistake and will make you regret it if you ask them to apologize. Every couple gets into disagreement, but how do you respond in that situation? That is the most important thing. So, if your partner hurts you by saying something bad and does not realize it or apologize for what he or she said, it means you are in love with the wrong person. Saying sorry is so simple; you just have to say, “I am sorry,” and it gives a message that you take responsibility for your actions. So think carefully before you make any decision of committing to someone that never concedes to error.

LOVING THE WRONG PERSON HURTS

Loving the wrong person hurts, but love does not hurt. People fall in love with the wrong person, but they do not realize it. Some people try to make it work and wait if things can get better, but all in vain. It only gets worse. But the truth is you can avoid falling in love with the wrong person. You must be more careful and try to know who that person really is. A lot of people think that love is blind, and that is why they fall in love with the wrong person.

We also think that falling in love with someone is not in our control, and that is why we should try and learn a few things that can help us to avoid falling in love with the wrong person. You certainly have no control over your emotions, but you have control over your thoughts and actions. That is where you should work.

DO YOUR HOMEWORK

Nobody can take care of you better than yourself. You should find someone who appreciates you and feels lucky to be with you. You deserve the best. Loving the wrong person hurts, so if you want to avoid it, you should do the proper homework. Ensure that you have found out the truth about what this person is telling you. You can find out about the criminal record of the person. You can find out a lot about that person on the internet. It is better to avoid getting hurt than regretting it.

If there is past domestic violence big red flag.

TAKE IT SLOWLY, AND DO NOT FALL FOR SWEET TALK.

When someone wants to prove that he or she is in love with you, the individual will use sweet talk, whether he or she is actually in love with you or just pretending. Do not let sweet talk take your mind away from reality. If a person is honest with you, he/she will try to do whatever they can. Do not rush things; take your time and make a decision once, you are sure. A relationship that leads to marriage and a solid commitment must not be rushed. Try to know more about individual qualities, flaws, habits. You cannot know about someone completely at the start of a relationship. This is a phase when your partner tries to impress you, so you must be patient.

NEVER IGNORE THE OPINION OF YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS.

Our family and friends want the best for us. We are in love, so we might not see certain things; it seems like we have answers to all our questions. We would never want to let go of this person. We are emotionally evolved, and just the idea of getting separated from this person makes us feel uneasy. We can’t imagine leaving that person even if everyone can see that our partner does not and is not worth our love. That’s when family and friends prove helpful; you really need to ask their opinion. You must listen to their opinion; the final decision is no doubt in your hands, but still, they can make you look at things you are ignoring it is good to look at things from multiple perspectives.

BE GENUINE

You must be genuine if you are looking for the right person. You should not pretend just to attract someone. It will not bring any good. When you pretend to be someone else, the other person falls in love with an illusion; he or she does not fall in love with you. So, when things move forward, you start seeing after-effects. Obviously, you cannot pretend for your whole life, and when he or she meets your true self, everything will fall apart.

GIVE YOURSELF SPACE

Does it seem like you always fall in love with the wrong person? Well, it is because you are repeating the same mistake without knowing what you are doing wrong. You need to take a break from everything. Analyze your past relationships carefully and try to know what you did wrong that is common in all your past relationships, find the root issue, and try to work on it. If this issue is linked with your personality trait or your underlying mental health issues, work on it. You can also get help from a mental health professional. Give yourself space to try to be happy alone; once you feel happy alone, you can be happy in a relationship too.